The Reality of Parenting

Adam Walker Cleaveland wrote on his blog about trying to adjust to a new job and a new son at the same time. Either one of these is a huge change that would throw most of us for a loop, but trying to do them both at the same time is huge. 

In this post he asked some good questions that sound real familair to me:

How do I find time for myself when coming home now means that Sarah is more than willing to relinquish the baby into my care so she can nap, get some work done or just relax? How do I spend the time I feel is necessary to read, study and reflect deeply on my ministry when I need to find more Sunday School teachers, continue to learn how this church does things from potlucks, to expense reports, and pastoral care visits? Where do Sarah and I find the time to sit with each other, catch each other up on our days, and cultivate our marriage when we’re both exhausted at the end of the day and she’s ready for bed, and I’m ready to get in some “Adam time” by doing things like writing this blog post?

Here is my answer:

You don’t.

At least not anywhere close to as much as you used to and not in many of the ways that you used to. That time for yourself is gone. I’ve been looking for it for the last seven years since my son was born and haven’t found it yet. I haven’t found it as he’s got older, or in a different job, or when our daughter came into our family.

That doesn’t mean that I don’t miss it. That doesn’t mean that I don’t ask the exact same questions on a regular basis that you are asking. But good parents sacrifice a huge part of themselves, their life and their time when they have children.  More than they ever imagined.

IMO, that’s the dirty little secret of parenting.

But here’s the other secret that I am still discovering…

…it’s worth it.

Leave a Reply